Holiday parties can often revolve around alcohol, which can be tough for people in recovery, or those supporting them.
Many people feel obligated to be cheerful, or to be seen as cheerful, during the holidays, even when they’re not. Mixed feelings are normal and family gatherings can be emotionally challenging for you, for someone you love, or for someone you’re helping navigate the season.
Here are a few tips to help make holiday gatherings a little less stressful. If you are a family member or simply someone walking alongside someone and helping them stay steady, these might be helpful to pass along.
Holiday Pressure Check-In:
- Start the day with a 2-minute scan. Pause before the day gets away from you. Ask yourself: How am I feeling physically? How’s my mood? What’s one thing I need today? What’s one thing I know I will have difficulty dealing with today? Naming it makes it easier to acknowledge it.
- Create a “quick calm” moment. Choose one grounding tool you can use anywhere: slow breaths, a warm drink like tea or apple cider, stepping into a quiet room, or focusing on your feet on the floor. Use it whenever holiday pressure spikes.
- Let your mood be your guide, not the season. If you feel joyful, lean into it. When tired, adjust your plans accordingly. If you feel overwhelmed, don’t feel you have to take part. There’s no “right” way to feel during the holidays.
- Share your limits with one trusted person so they know what you need this season, whether it’s quieter gatherings, shorter visits, or fewer expectations. Even a small boundary can ease a lot of pressure.
Staying Comfortable Around Alcohol:
- Bring or request a non-alcoholic “go-to” drink you genuinely enjoy. Sparkling water with citrus, ginger ale with cranberry, herbal iced tea or hot spiced cider gives you something in your hand, removing the pressure to take anything else.
- Keep your cup full of your non-alcoholic beverage of choice. A full glass naturally cuts down on unwanted offers. It signals you’re all set without making an announcement about it.
- Have an easy, friendly refusal line. When someone offers a drink, a simple “I’m good with what I have, thanks” works every time. Most people will move on immediately without needing more explanation.
- Step outside the “bar area.” If the drink table feels like a hotspot, move towards the kitchen, a quieter room, or the snack table. Changing your surroundings often changes the vibe.
- Have a quick distraction ready. If someone pushes, redirect with something simple like, “Did you try the dessert yet?” or “How’s work going?” It shifts the topic of conversation without confrontation.
- Check in with yourself before and after the event. Ask yourself: How am I feeling? What do I need to feel steady? That small awareness makes the gathering easier to navigate.
Managing Family Dynamics Without the Drama:
- Plan your “exit moments” ahead of time. Before you even walk in the door, decide what your cooling-off move will be, whether its stepping outside, checking the mail (or your email), offering to run an errand, or grabbing a glass of water. Having a plan makes it easier to use it when the moment gets tense.
- Practice your one-line boundary. Say it to yourself once or twice on the drive over: “I’m not discussing that today.” This helps it come out calmly when you need it, without over explaining or apologizing.
- Bring a supportive ally or have a discussion with someone ahead of time. If you can, identify one person who understands your limits. A quick glance or a shared “time to step out?” signal can keep things grounded and prevent escalation.
- Give yourself permission to leave early. You don’t need a big reason. A simple “I’m heading out, thanks for having me” is enough. Protecting your well-being is a valid priority during the holidays. If you don’t have your own transportation, make sure you have a backup plan, a cab, or other transportation service number already bookmarked and call them beforehand and schedule a pickup time.
- Shift the conversation when topics get heavy. Prepare a few neutral, easy subjects to pivot to, food, pets, new movies, winter plans. Redirecting prevents arguments without calling attention to the shift.
- Keep your visits time-boxed. If certain gatherings are tough, decide your start and end time ahead of the event. Sticking to that window keeps interactions manageable and predictable. Very like giving yourself permission to leave early, prepare ahead of time.
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